brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
