Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
