it hurts more in the daytime
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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