You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
