how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
