I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was like eating out sand paper
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
