Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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