I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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