Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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