You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
