while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
