I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
