I met the friendliest cop last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
