but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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