I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
