Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
