In America we eat man semen.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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