So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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