first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
