i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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