I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
