God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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