we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
