we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
