Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
