Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
