I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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