OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
