I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
