Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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