worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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