Duck Duck Cougar?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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