She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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