One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
