cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
