the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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