I love black thongs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
