I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
