why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
