He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
