She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
