dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
