Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
