I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
