How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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