Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
