it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
