I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
