He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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