Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
