I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
