Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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