mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
